Daughters and Fathers
by StevieRae2011
Summary: When Tessa's daughter begins to wonder about her heritage Tessa must explain to her a hard truth about her father. In a tale of woes secrets will be told and tears will flow. AU, one-shot, takes place after CP2. TessaxWill/xJem. R&R! You know you want to!


**So, this idea entered my brain a while ago, so I figured I might as well write it. I takes place after PS2, in England, just so you know. It's AU, so no comments about inaccuracy unless its about OOCness. That said, I will write my story now. Read On! **

I looked at my two daughters, the only reminders of what had once been mine. Amelia, dark-haired and dark eyes, with a tan complexion and a slight slant to her eyes. She was the elder, at eleven years old. Esmerelda, seven, was of a fair complexion, also dark haired but with blue eyes, shockingly blue. Shadowhunters, both of them. Of course they were. The Shadowhunter blood would always be dominant.

"They're beautiful," Sophie said, sitting next to me, her own son on her lap. His name was Robert if I recalled correctly.

"They are, aren't they?" I said, sighing. She smiled.

"Do they know?" She asked. I could feel my expression darken.

"No." My tone implied how much I was not willing to carry on a conversation about this.

"Shouldn't you tell them?"

"Sophie, I said no!" I shouted. Esmerelda lifted her head, attention switching from the toys on the grass she had been playing with.

"Is everything okay, Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetheart. Play with your toys." She nodded and turned back to the dolls she had been arranging into a tea party.

"What of her sister? Amelia is eleven years old. She must suspect a difference in parentage." My heart skipped a beat. I had never thought that Lia might think…

"No. She mustn't." Sophie hugged me.

"You'll figure it out, Miss Tessa."

"Sophie, you're not a servant anymore. Don't act like it." Sophie laughed.

"Old habits die hard." They both laughed. Amelia walked out the door.

"Hey, Sophie. Mom, can I go over to the Institute? Daniel wants to train." Daniel was Charlotte and Henry's eldest child, a year and a half older than Amelia. He was also her best friend. I waved my hand.

"Go. Cyril will drive you. Be back by supper." Amelia nodded and ran to find Cyril.

Sophie and I talked a while longer. We discussed our children, Gideon, the Institute. We talked about Jem, which was easier than it used to be. We talked about Will, which was harder than Jem but still easier than it used to be.

"Why won't you tell them?" she asked quietly. Esmerelda had taken Robert inside to play a while ago. She was good with him, despite the face that he was over three years younger than her.

"Because, it would be too hard on them." Sophie is one of the few people who knew, the others being Charlotte, Henry, Jessamine, Cecily, and Gideon.

"So which one are you lying to?" I cocked my head, not understanding the question. "Who do you say is their father?" she clarified.

"I don't talk about him- them." Sophie nodded.

"They'll find out one day." She paused, and realized what her sentence could imply. "Not from me, of course. But, from someone else. On their own." I looked at her.

"I can't do it. Their lives will be changed forever because I was too selfish to not go after Will when Jem died. I'm a terrible person!" I started to cry then. I missed them both so much. And I was a terrible person. I chose Jem. I left Will to his own devices. And when Jem died, I convinced Will that I needed him- because, in truth, I had never let him go. He had always been in my heart, side by side with Jem.

Sophie held me while I cried. "No, you're not, Tessa. You are an amazing person put in an impossible situation." I quickly wiped my tears, apologizing for my temporary breakdown. "No, no don't worry. I'm sorry for pushing the issue."

"No, you were right," I said, wiping my eyes. "If they ask, I'll tell them. Regardless, I'll end up telling them, whether they ask or not."

The day passed in discussions about empty things, playing with our children. Amelia got home an hour before supper. We ate dinner with Sophie, Gideon, and Robert. Amelia sat by Esmerelda and they joked around like sisters do. I looked at them. Neither of them looked very much like me. And, as far as I know or anyone could tell, neither inherited my ability, for which I was grateful.

"Well," Gideon said, checking his watch. "We'd best be going. I have an early day tomorrow." Sophie nodded and we said our goodbyes. Life was calm for a while longer.

Until Amelia climbed on my lap and rested her head on my shoulder. "Momma, why do me and Ezzy look so different?" I looked at her.

"Why does this come up now?" She shrugged.

"Daniel, Joseph, and Carly all look alike." Joseph and Carly were Charlotte and Henry's other two kids. I sighed and I knew it. _It's time, _my mind whispered. I sat her down next to me and made her look at me.

"Because, your dad and Ezzy's dad aren't the same person." She took it better than I expected. No crying, no gasping. She took it like a Shadowhunter. Like Jem would've.

"What?" she said. I looked at her and breathed.

"You want the whole story?" She nodded, her dark eyes never leaving mine. "You father was an English-Chinese man. He had a very calm temperament. I almost never saw him get angry. He was very sick. When he was younger, he had hair and eyes like yours, but when I met him they were silver. He had to take a drug. He would have died without it. I met him when we were seventeen. He was a talented young Shadowhunter. I had just been rescued from a couple of warlocks. The way we met was quite funny actually. I burst into his room while he played his violin, in nothing but my nightclothes.

"Anyways, we fell in love. I had recently been hurt by another man- we'll get to him later. I grew feelings for him, and he for me. Long story short, he proposed, and I agreed." I stopped talking, letting it sink in.

"What was his name?" she asked quietly. I laughed at myself, for forgetting to mention it.

"His name was James Carstairs, but he was always called Jem." She smiled.

"And what of Esmerelda's father?"

"His name was William Herondale- Will. Ezzy looks a lot like him. He was Jem- your father's- best friend. His parabatai." She gasped a little at this, but remained silent. "He was actually the one who saved me from the warlocks. He was charming, with a sarcastic and kind of rude personality. He had a lot of troubles and spent five years of his life pushing everyone but Jem away. That was why he had to hurt my feelings the way he did.

"He admitted he loved me only a little while after your father proposed. I loved him as well, but lied and said I didn't. I left him crushed. His heart was shattered. When we announced our proposal, he was the first to congratulate us. He never chased after me, never tried to get me to leave Jem. He loved Jem as a brother and couldn't do that to him.

"When I got pregnant with you, Will was ecstatic. I could also see in his eyes he was sad, but he loved us enough to be happy for us. Your father was around for eleven and a half months after you were born. Your first birthday was two weeks away. I remember that night better than I want to. We were sleeping when he started to shake. His eyes were almost colorless. His face was too pale. His mouth was covered in foam and leaking blood. He stopped shaking and he stopped breathing and his eyes rolled back in his head.

"I screamed his name, even though I knew he was never coming back. I called Will and he cried. Will almost never cried. I loved your father so, so much. It killed me when he died. The only thing that kept me functioning was you.

"Thing was, even after all that time, I still loved Will even as I loved your father. Neither of them owned my heart entirely. About a year later, when you were about two, me and Will got married. Both of us felt guilty about it, but we needed each other. He loved you as his own. But, then, Jem and him were so close, I'm sure he did see you as his daughter. Esmerelda was born a month after you turned four, almost exactly.

"Will was a Shadowhunter, of course. When you were almost five and Ezzy almost one, he died in a fight. I had lost them both. I remember you called Will "daddy". He tried to tell you not to, but he was the only father you knew that you could remember. He loved you both. He loved us all." I ended it there. Both of the boys I had loved forever were dead- only their children left to remember them by.

"I remember him," she said, speaking slowly-as if in a daze. "I'd always thought he was my father. I remember he had blue eyes like Ezzy's. I remember his laugh and his smile and him saying he loved me as he kissed me goodnight," she whispered. I started. I had thought she had forgotten. "When will you tell Ezzy?" I shrugged.

"When she's old enough to really understand."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I had expected this question.

"To protect you. To protect Ezzy. To protect myself." I thought of something. "Don't let this change the way you treat her. She's still your sister as much as she ever was." She smiled.

"Mom, you insult me. Like I'd ever." We laughed.

"I need to show you something." I led her to the attic. I looked around and found it. It was a painting of my Jem playing his violin- eyes closed, smiling and entirely peaceful. It looked remarkably accurate.

"That's him isn't it?" she asked, eyes watering. I could see him searching his face, comparing it to hers.

"That's him. Amelia Carstairs, meet Jem Carstairs- your father." She let out a choked sound and fell to her knees and cried. Esmerelda came upstairs to look for something just then.

"Lia?" she asked. "Sissy, what's wrong?" Amelia wiped her eyes and smiled at her.

"It's nothing, Ezzy. Go play." She looked at me, blue eyes wide and questioning. I nodded and she went back downstairs.

"You can have it," I told her. She nodded and rubbed her nose, still studying the picture.

"Hey, Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think he's proud of me? That he loves me?" I smiled at her.

"I know he does."

**So, that is what I think happens after CP2. I think it's good. Not my best work, but I'm proud of it. I like my characters- Tessa's kids- too. I think I did them good. So, I'm gonna post it. I hope you liked it. Pondering how good this may or may not be, StevieRae2011, signing off! **


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